It starts with...
“I know its like intruding into someone's life when someone from nowhere starts sending you messages....but I just need to say that your pic has such an essence that I couldn’t take myself away from it...... so if u don't mind then can we be friends without much bother." or
“You look great. Gorgeous is an understatement for you.” or
“I am new on this site, looking for friends around, would you mind me being your friend?” or
“Hey can we be friends?”
I am sure every one of us have come across wannabe’s bullshitting the above lines on facebook and other chat messengers. Few of my female friends have been repeatedly fallen for these traps and faced the consequences, of course, more in a negative way than positive. After counselling each and every one personally, I am eager to highlight the phrase “better be safe than sorry”. It’s important for female counterparts to understand the ulterior motives of people in the virtual world. Because ‘a lot like Love’ can have serious haphazard.
Games people play
The recent example of one of my close female friends has alarmed my senses. In this scenario, the man started his chase through social networking site. After exchanging contacts they got in touch on the daily basis. Under the pretext of falling for her and promising her for marriage he met her and forced her to spend two days with him. Those two days changed her life for the lifetime as he was never to be seen again. Deleting all the online account he disappeared leaving her in a state of shock due to betrayal and lies.
In another scenario, where Mrs. Xyz sorted social networking site as her past time when the house was empty and husband away sailing. Mrs. Xyz was faithful till the time she encountered this young chap who was an imposter. Eyeing on the richness and vulnerability of this married woman he played a charlatan. Pretending to be in love, he duped her for money and physical intimacy. This went on for a year till the time she discovered his passwords of online sites only to realise that he was involved with many married woman just like her. For him it was an alternative job.
Mili (Name Changed) facebook relationship status changed to ‘In A Relationship’ on Valentine’s when Raj(Name Changed) proposed her online. They met the following week forcing Mili to think completely in favour of him. She thought it was a match made in heaven and was glad that they were in Love. Suddenly, she received a message in her inbox from Clara about the Lusty relationship Raj and Clara were involved in. It stuck her later why Raj was reluctant to change his relationship status as Committed? and why he was always so scared of seen together in public? Subsequently, his facebook wallpost looked clear and transparent but his message inbox yelled about his unfaithfulness. The incident not only traumatized Mili but also changed her perspective towards male species, trust was irrevocable.
There have been instances whereby perverts study girls and act exactly the female expect out of them; by sweet talks and in flirtatious manner. Their hidden motives are not well understood and therefore they manipulate and convince the unexposed, innocent girls for their own personal motives.
According to a recent survey, online world comprising social networking sites has become another dating hub whereby, people are seeking individuals preferably for dating rather than the contrary belief of finding a friend or seeking friendship alone. The question arises here is- Why Internet?
Virtual world VIELS the inhibitions and apprehensions on the part of people sharing common idea’s, common outlook towards life, common value, similar beliefs or opinion. The option of not concealing the original identification gives certain people the upper hand to decorate and manipulate the self –image and also the way it is conveyed. Lies and deception is common. The online personality can be moulded to centre the self. Exaggerating the traits to impress the opposite person, emphasising and showcasing oneself differently to attract, flirtatiousness and sweet talks, withholding the truth and the real self are common traits among the Internet cheaters and fraudsters. The motives of these fraudulent could differ from money matters to conning in love.
Ofcourse, I Love you
In another instance I have also come across girls who are in bliss having met their partners over the Internet. Believe me the percentage is very less. After probing them, the more or less inference I can come to terms is that there are certain qualities which differentiate good men from pervert predators. - ‘Truthfulness’ is the word. But my point is, how does one decide if the other person in front of the screen is truthful or just blabbering a fake story? Difficult as it may seem, because when it’s online, you only have words to believe in and judging more or less through words is risky, authentication is impossible.
Can love happen with someone you haven’t met?
Via virtual world you are less apprehended to share your ideas, opinions and are able to communicate at ease with a perfect stranger which in real world would have been paranoid to speak upon. Sharing of similarities and differences over an issue can happen very easily which may culminate into the likeness for the other person. A strong sense of connection may also be felt at times but that does not equate with the feeling of love. Though Love being a subjective topic needs to be understood and felt in reality not on the keyboaord, screen or a cellphone. Confusing, Time being attraction with Love is utter hallucination. That is the reason many virtual love are unable to sustain the reality shock. How can real expectation, durability of the relationship can be conveyed through an internet cable or a wireless cellphone? Face to face communication and physical presence are the foreground on which love thrives, survives and surpass the test of time.
Love over internet possible?
- Is the virtual love able to stand the test of time?
- Long distance and virtual relationship. Is trust possible?
- Virtual love is able to overcome high expectations or standards set by an online personality?
- Is every personality visible and could be judged feasibly?
- Does such a love is able to come to terms with the reality of physical imperfections and deficiencies?
- What if the person does not come across like the way you have perceived online? Is overlooking those shortcomings possible?
- The most important and crucial question –Is it safe?
The side effect of love in times of internet can be seen today among the educated class mostly. Cyber-crime and Cyber-bullying are rampant. The virtual world ignites the suppressed juvenile behaviour. No fear of getting caught and eloping after committing the hideous sinful crime adds up to their encouragement. In few cases, the imposter thinks its okay to involve into mischief like this because they have seen their peers boasting about the misuse. Incidence like these cannot be curbed completely because world wide web is a huge platform and scanning each and every activity happening is impossible. Stringent laws would also not help to threaten these conmen. The only feasible option available is to be alert and wise enough to hear the knock of crime on your virtual window. Know the intention, before you commit to them for their love or even for their friendship. Judge them carefully and if possible avoid getting into romantic relations through internet. Because it is better to be single and without love than to be lied, cheated upon and then dumped as a thrash. Love is more of an action and not just flowery words.
